Recently, I turned the BIG 4-0. [Inserts Yassss!] I feel the same as I did at 39: excited, expectant, and more sure of myself than ever. You know … ready to live like never before. I enjoyed all the birthday love from friends and family, and then it hit me. What have I learned? Which prompted me to write to you and share what I’ve learned over the years. Yes, I thought of you on my birthday. 🙂 I pray these 10 things I know for sure as a single woman at 40 serve you well.
As you read these life tips, it may sound like I’m bragging. No ma’am. But, I am proud of what I made it through, out of, and over. You should be, too. These life tips are designed to help you if you are a single woman or a single mom. Use them. Absorb them. Live by them and then make your own list and share it!
Life Lessons: 10 things I know for sure
1. You can always start over
It is literally never too late to do what you always wanted. Okay. If you wanted to be a gymnast and you’re 40, that’s over. But, most of the dreams we had when we were younger, are so doable. If life has dealt you a hand you hate, send it back, pick up the big girl undies, and start again.
2. Sometimes, you can’t go back
As it relates to love, life, and business, you can’t always go back. Accept the good they did, but distance yourself from folks who act as if they didn’t wound you. Honor it, feel it, and release. On the road to healing, you’ll want to go back to what was comfortable. DON’T. Push toward the vision you see for your life. It’s worth it.
3. The tough times will come and you will make it through them
Gosh! I’ve seen a lot of ups and a lot of downs over my 17 years of raising boys alone. But guess what? I made it. You will, too. When your back is against the wall, sit down and pray. Collect your thoughts and create a plan of action. Reach out to others for help. Having friends to go with you on this journey makes it sweeter. We all hate waiting. But sometimes, life will send you some curveballs and all you can do is work your plan. Decide today that no matter what, you will make it. And, you will! You can get more tips in my book Do It Anyway: The Single Moms Guide to Living Life and Achieving Her Goals if you want to know how to thrive through the tough times.
4. God is good. Trust Him.
I can shout this from the rooftops of the world. Okay! My goodness. How do folks do it who believe in nothing? God has been a very present, real help in my life. In fact, it was my faith walk that helped me overcome depression and the heartbreak I experienced becoming a single mom all those years ago. He keeps me still.
One of the things I learned is if I’ll do it His way, my life would go smoother. Sis, trust Him today. I wrote a devotional last year because as single moms, many of us have no man to rely on and I wanted to share how I’ve made it unmarried all these years. God. Provision, protection, direction, and purpose have come as a result of my faith. I want to encourage you to hold on and go deeper. God has a plan for your life and it is good. This life can change in a blink. Look for the good that is due you.
5. Live more. Stress less.
Enjoy your life!!! I cannot say this enough. You deserve to be happy. Yes, raise your babies and be a very present mom, but YOU CAN LIVE, TOO. I want you to begin to look at your life and see if you are really giving you what you need. If not, change it. Put you on your schedule. Stress kills. it’s not worth it. Do your best and let it go.
If I could do my 20s over again, I would get over ole dude quicker, learn to make new friends, go out and live. So sis, live more. Stress less now.
6. People who love you won’t hurt you.
It took me a few bad boyfriends to realize this and a few failed friendships with folks I just knew would be my bestie for life. But guess what? I survived and you will, too. Make your decisions based off of what people are showing you, not on what you believe they are. People who love you won’t hurt you.
As the old adage goes, “If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it’s a duck.” If they act like an enemy, they are an enemy. You don’t have to be friends with anyone who does not honor you. Absorb that and it will bless you.
7. I am an amazing single mom.
I, like many women, used to downgrade my awesomeness especially when people would congratulate me on a job well done raising my boys. I had to stop that. You must as well. We make the world go round for our babies and we are amazing. I’ve learned that even if I met up, I am an amazing mom. I apologize as needed so my boys can learn that you don’t run from problems or mess ups. You fix them.
All the worrying, all the perfection-chasing, all the self-doubt has been a launching pad to my acceptance of me. I had to refute it to become the woman I am and I am so proud of this growth. I want the same for you. Say it loud: “I am perfect for my babies! I am an amazing mom.”
8. I am more than a single mother
Although I am an amazing mom, I am more than a mom. I have goals, dreams, desires, and needs. When I learned to put some focus on me, my life changed for the better. You can balance your dreams and your kids. It takes work. It takes a plan. Reach out and get help to create the life you know you deserve. As I said earlier, live now.
9. My happiness is up to me
When I stopped looking to boyfriends, friends, and family to make me happy, read my mind, or fix my issues, my life got better, I saw clearer. See, your happiness is up to you. If you are thinking when you get married, you’ll be happy or when you get XYZ, you’ll be ABC, you are mistaken. Life does not work that way. You decide your happiness right now. No one can have that much control over your life. You and God must work this thing out. Look forward to living independent of folks actions and opinions and that alone will free you to own your happy.
10. The best is yet to come
I believe God. My journey has taught me that even when it’s hard, it’s getting better and working for my good. If I keep moving, keep pressing and showing up, life will get better. It has happened overtime every time.
Affirmation: My best self is out there. I move toward her daily. I have a bright future, and my family is blessed.
Yes! I’m forty and taking no drama honey. I’ve learned a lot and am excited about the next decade. I hope these 10 things I know for sure at 40 as a single woman has blessed you to rise up and go get what life has for you. For my younger moms, live. Make sure you live and love!
So, comment below. What have you learned? What would you add? I want to hear from you.
I’m hosting two amazing events this summer for winning single moms like you. One in Dallas and one in D.C. Click the cities to find out more about each. Come out and get the transformation you know you deserve. It’s time to reclaim you. As you can see, I don’t play around. I have programs and resources that help women level up. 40 is a welcome year because I am focused on helping single moms chase their dreams, increase their income, and bring love into their lives. Question is “Are you ready?”
Do It Anyway!