As I sit to write this post, I’m reminded that some may think I’ve lost it. I assure you that I have not. Being alone can be tough especially if you parent alone and have to spend the holidays alone. But, I have come to realize over the years that being alone has been the best thing life could have given me (for a season). Let me tell you why, and hopefully, you will see some of your yourself in my experiences below.
1. I get to find out more of who I am.
I moved to Texas and did not date for 3 years. My boys were young and I wanted to focus on raising them. I also wanted to do well at my new job, and I needed space to grow and enjoy my new life. I got closer to God and wouldn’t change a thing about those years. I had no stress. It was a beautiful and much needed time. Truthfully, I was a young single mom and it wasn’t easy, but it was a time filled with peace and new beginnings. When you’ve gone through hell, peace is your most prized possession. So get alone and figure you out. Would you agree?
2. I get to affect my babies positively without interference.
In the absence of the other parent, I know that I have been able to instill my values in my boys. Values that stem from my faith. Had I been in the environment I was, I’m not sure they would have fully picked up just my values. In an effort to not bash their dad, I am just glad they have learned behaviors and values from me. Do you feel the same?
3. I get to figure out what I really want in a mate.
There is nothing like having a few frogs to show you what you really want. Dating allows you time to see what is out there and when what is out there disappoints you, you realize that you have to get real and change what you’re doing. Because I know I want a good man, a godly man, etc. I need to date differently. Every guy that wants my number, is not a potential mate. Only men who, for lack of a better cliché, “Are on my level” need apply. Time alone has given that to me. I have gained the strength I need to demand excellence, respect, and love. Until you are comfortable being alone with you, how can you truly know what you want?
4. I get to work on my dreams, goals, and passions.
My passions drive me all day. I wake up early thinking about blog topics. I have topic ideas everywhere (no lie). I’m always thinking about Spanish. My single parents and what I want to do with women to inspire, enrich, and connect all these are on my mind. This is the season for me to work these dreams because working on my heart’s desires takes a good bit of my free time and energy. When my Boaz (a Biblical figure and redeemer/God-given husband of Ruth) comes, I’ll be ready because what is in me has been able to come out i.e., my purpose, passion, and mission. This means that I will be happy and ready to receive my good man because I’ve been able to chase my dreams with no regrets. Having him will just add to the jubilation. Right? Right.
5. I get to help others.
Being single affords me the opportunity to make my own schedule, go where I want to go, and help others in need. Helping others includes helping at charities, working on my business to support single moms, helping friends, etc. I get to give back and be proud of it without feeling guilty. Remember, single hood is for a season and if you use it wisely, it can be a fruitful, blessed time of life.
Do any of these ring a bell with you? Are you now seeing alone time as a plus? I hope so. Television, the media, friends, and family will try to tell you that you need someone on your arm ALL THE TIME. But the truth is what you don’t need is another person who hasn’t figured themselves out. You need time to prepare to be the person you know you are – strong, confident, and emotionally ready to love and live again.
Life is hard. Relationships are hard. But, these things do not have to be. Take time out and get to know YOU. You’ll be glad you did.
Do It Anyway!