I have heard many married moms, friends, and co-workers say they feel like single moms when their husbands leave for work or long trips. I get it. It’s hard, and sometimes a two-parent family doesn’t mean equal parenting. And let’s face it: Who signed up for that? Not you. What happened now?
So, what is a married mom who feels like a single mom to do? As a married mom who feels like a single mom, you should advocate for yourself. I know you say , “Um, I’m doing that.” Nah, you’re not. Until he gives you the help you need, you haven’t said it, shown it, or expressed it enough.
Now, this is no “Let me give you bad advice so you mess up your marriage” post. This is my response to you and those women from my heart. Read on.
7 Tips for Married Moms Who Feel Like Single Moms
1. Communicate with your spouse
Sometimes, we think because we know each other well that we just “get it.” Nope! Men can’t read minds. You must communicate with him. I recommend you do this as soon as possible and without lots of emotion.
Lay it out there. Repeat after me: “This is what I need, Bae.”
See? Easy. You know your man. Tell him in a way he gets it. Involve him. Get his input. Let him know you didn’t sign up for this, but you’re a trooper. How can he help you through this phase? Bring him in on this.
2. Build in your self care
Feel like you have no time? Use a planner to get organized and pamper you. Let me tell you from a woman who had to force herself to take a break … you don’t want the opposite of refreshed and living life. Ok!
Listen, broke down and worn out to the point of falling asleep is not a good look. I knew I had to exchange my “go-get it/do it all” lifestyle for one that included me. Guess what? Nothing fell apart. It all fell together. Fix them what they need, give bae the reigns, and bounce every now and again, sis. You have help. Use it. The way you take care of you is super imperative to your ability to care for your family. But ,you are not just mom. All of you needs to be fed.
3. Say “NO” and mean it
When you know you’ve done all you can do, cut it off. Saying no is good. We don’t say it enough as women and then we get mad when our men, our kids, our friends, etc. keep asking us to do more. Hello! It might be you.
It is okay to say no. Try it!! Folks like to make you feel guilty for not being all things to everyone. But, no one has a word to say when you’re dehydrated and sick because you didn’t make time for you. Say no and do only what you need.
4. Prepare ahead for his times of being gone
Organization and pre-planning are your friends as a mom period. Don’t be caught off guard. Use bae when he’s home. Set a calendar and teach him how to update it, so you will always know when you have to do the doggone thang alone. Make a list of all the things that have come up when he’s gone.
Make sure the kids know that just because dad is gone, they don’t get to act up. He’s just a phone call away and you should use that sparingly. You know? Bringing home the bacon and all.
5. Ask for what you want
Most of the women I talk to don’t tell their husbands what they need. Can you believe that? I’m over here raising two boys dreaming about asking Boaz to do this and that, and y’ll won’t tell hubby what you need! Listen, marriage is amazing and yes you don’t want to worry your mate. But guess what? You’re his best friend. He has pledged to provide for you. You can ask him for what you want. If it’s a new gadget, a day off, some trinkets, ask! He can’t help if you don’t speak.
6. Ask for what you need
Sometimes we think what we want and what we need are the same. A want is that new bag at Niemen’s. A need is some parenting tag teaming on baths, dishes, discipline, love, support, “me” time, and sharing on these kid’s activities. So, speak up on what you need. Again, he is your bestie. Get in there and enjoy the journey.
7. Get organized
I hinted at this earlier, but if you let life catch you off guard, it’ll wreck your whole week. Organize your life as much as possible. When you can see where you are supposed to be, you can prepare for it, cut out what you don’t have to do, and build in rest. Seems simple enough, but a planner can bring peace of mind and help you keep your busy life together while honey is away.
All of these seem like simple common sense tasks, but until you focus on each of these, you will feel frustrated. So, make sure you are communicating your needs and advocating for yourself. Even if you have to ask for extra help from friends, family, or others (i.e. a maid), ask for what you need.
If you haven’t shared your heart, your husband probably thinks you have it all under control. Sis, unless you like making him think you’re super woman, let the man know you would like to not do all the work. What do they say? “Happy wife. Happy life.” Oh yeah, you’ve got this. Check out my list below of other sources and sites that speak to helping you thrive as a married mom. I know many of the women listed below and love their ministries and business. Check them out for more resources to support as you parent, thrive, and win.
Tanya Barnett- Realwifemovement.com
Chante Truscott- Wives in Waiting
Fawn Weaver- Happy Wives Club
Yes, I’m a single mom whose never been married. I have 17 years in the game and I wouldn’t change a thing. I decided to write this post because we all go through it. I’ve had many women say to me over the years that they feel like single moms. Inside, I used to resent them cause … um, they were not. But, the struggle can be real. We are sisters in this thing. We have more in common than we think. I pray this has blessed you and that you encourage other women no matter their status to rise up, raise great babies, and enjoy the life they have. Now, go thank God for that man and use these tips!