I wrote this post to replay of a conversation I had with a guy friend recently. I dedicate it to all the good men looking for a good woman. The truth is many of us are on the journey to finding lasting love because relationships are hard. But, understanding when we are in the wrong one and letting go is the key to finding the right one. Life is a teacher. You decide how many times you learn the lesson. Read on to find out how men deal with heartache.

The Background

I had gone to a mixer for young professionals in Dallas. I knew the hosts and many others there, made some new connections and was inspired by the beautiful mix of men and women working toward change. We ate, connected, and then it was over. Your fearless blogger here had parked in another lot because it was packed out when I arrived earlier. So, a guy friend offered to walk me to my car.

As a brave single mom who thinks she’s an Amazon, I was like ‘Nah, I got it. I’m a big girl.’ He said, “And what kind of man lets a woman walk to her car this late at night when her car is behind some bushes in another parking lot?” I then said, ‘Good point.’ Lol! (Ladies, praise The Lord for manners!)

As we were walking, we began to talk about life. He said, “I know women like you who could be married if they wanted to be.” I said, ‘True. But, it has to be right for us’ and that’s why relationships are hard.  I’m sure women like me reading this post would agree! We are single for a reason. He then went on to give me his 80/20 rule (he heard it somewhere, so don’t go getting legal).

I was intrigued at this point. He said, “Everyone is looking ahead to the 80% they think they want when the 20% they leave behind is what they are actually looking for.” Hmm. He explained that most of us get caught up in looks, the job, the outer but what we really want is found in the guy in our circle we overlook. And if we would just turn around, we’d see each other. Deep! Fellas, what say you? Is the 80/20 real? Holla back in the comments!

And fellas, I know you are reading this and it is okay. This post is for you who stealthily and openly read my blog. Hollers loudly, ‘Hey boos!’  Ladies, they love hard, too. Don’t you let the manly fool you? A good man will (figuratively) catch a grenade for ya! He will love you to the moon and back and all those lyrics we love to sing.

Why Relationships Matters to Men

Now, back to me and my guy friend and why you have to let the wrong ones go. My friend and I talked for an hour standing at my car. I fanned myself because of the heat, got out of my heels and into flip flops all while we refused to leave discussing the most important relationships men and women can have – dating. Why so important? Because it leads hopefully to marriage and that leads to a family which as we know forms a society for good or bad. So, who you date and marry matters to more than just you. And men, you know all too well that your mama will want to have a say in who you marry because she is thinking of her grandkids. Lol! Back to the story!

I mean I don’t think we’ve held such a lengthy conversation – ever. We talked about my ups and downs (and how hilarious they have been) while dating this summer. (We actually howled, but that’s neither here nor there.) He told me how he loved this one young lady so much that he lost weight. I could see the nostalgia in his eyes as he told me how he wanted it to work, but they just weren’t the right fit. He said that he had loved her with all his soul, but she had taken such a toll on him. It was affecting him physically to keep the relationship intact. But, he kept trying to make it work because well he loved her. Sound familiar? I raised my hands. Yep, we all do it. That’s what they tell us to do, isn’t it?

WOW! I must admit that I knew guys can get brokenhearted, too; but none have ever expressed their relationships and disappointment like this before. He was almost preaching telling me the “ins and outs” of this courtship. I understand. It is that way sometimes!

So, I told him the following (and this isn’t my quote):

You will never be right enough for someone who is not right for you.

It sucks to hear that, but I told him that love is a choice. He thought about it for a second and then agreed. In reminding him that we choose to love who we choose, I was reminding myself. So often we give our hearts to people who have not given anything but time and space to us. I’ll wait. That was deep, searing, cutting, and true. In other words, stop loving people who have not demonstrated they love you back!

I know it’s hard but I loved a few fools in my time, too. I call them fools because what man with sense plays with the heart of a woman like me or you? A fool that’s who! And the same goes for you fellas! When a woman cannot see how awesome you are, she is a fool. And brother, you’ve got to be willing to let her go.

That sounds easy, right? I know relationships aren’t as easy when you’ve decided to and invested in love. You must, however, think of you. Ask yourself,  “Is this person I love truly deserving of my love?” Hmmm? As the Bible says, watch the fruit they bear. Some folks produce rotten apples, yet we pick them up and try to make a sweet-smelling, fresh-baked apple pie. STOP it! Let go before you waste your good years somewhere you never wanted to be.

The Takeaway

We did end our conversation having learned a little more about each other, having shared some profound points, and having resolved to keep looking for and being available to love. It was cool to hear a man say they loved, lost, and learned. It was refreshing to meet a man willing to be honest and somewhat vulnerable about it. Now, he wasn’t whining and neither was I. We simply talked about the journey.

For men, here’s a bonus takeaway for you: Men, it’s okay to take a break and heal!

If you’ve read this far, I know you want love but I’m so glad you are not willing to settle. I believe we will be amazed one day at the love we waited for. Until then, always choose you. Now, ladies go find you a good man looking to love like my guy friend. They’re out there. They just may be preoccupied with their very own foolish woman who will learn too late she already had her Boaz.

Relationships are hard. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. Be willing to do the work and when it’s done, be okay moving on, healing, and trying again.

We got into some other chatter that I’m sure will surface in a post one day. Until then, a good man and a good woman are hard to find. Keep your eyes open. They may already be in your 20 percent. When you find love to be easy, natural, really don’t overthink it…

Do It Anyway!

Guys, what say you? How do you move on when your heart is broken? Chime in. We want to hear from you!