5 Tips for Single Moms to Do It Anyway

It’s fall. The school is in session. The kids are busy, and so are we! How do we single moms balance it all? Well, balance is relative, honey. Some days, I have it all together and others I’m like “Lawd!”. 🙂 But, take heart. It gets better. So, with our hectic lives as single moms in mind, I’m sharing 5 tips to help you push through the crap that comes your way, the situations that make you want to cry, fight, or shut down, and whatever else poses a barrier to your happiness. How do you surpass all that and rock the life you got? Listen, you’re too pretty to be crying and breaking down, so there must be another way. You, my sister, must learn to Do It Anyway! Read on!

1. Make a Plan

In order to make a plan for your life (and you need one), you must be honest with where you are now. So, take a few minutes to sit down and think about your entire schedule at home, at work, outside of those two so you can see what is in balance and what is out of balance. Then, I want you to write down the usual school day. What does a morning look like from getting ready to pick the kid’s up in the afternoon? What does work look like? Are you late, stressed, overloaded, etc? Why? How much “me” time is in your schedule?

All right, you have to do this hard, grueling work so you can see where you need to put some of the things on your plate to the side or onto someone else’s plate. Yes, we like to call ourselves superwomen, but the truth is parenting alone is exhausting at times. As single moms, we have to have a plan or life will have us.

Until we put our lives in balance, we run on empty, and we serve no one.

Here’s a My Life Rocks Daily Planner Kaywanda Lamb to help you get balanced with a plan. Once you have a plan, you know where you’re going and where you’re not. Do the work. You and your kids will be glad you did!

2. Single Moms Need “Me” time

Sometimes it is hard to find our own quiet space as single moms, but we have to! I know some of you have small babies. My boys are teens now, but I know what if feels like to hover over the little ones while they sleep making sure they are okay. Stop that! When they are resting, you rest. I’m not saying don’t make sure they are okay. I’m saying stop being “On” all the time. Learn to take a break. The best time to rest with small kiddos is when they are. Toddlers? Naptime must be routine and at the same time daily, so they can get accustomed to it.

When you’re like me and have big kids, you pencil in 2-3 hours for yourself on the weekends. Every day ought to hold an hour for you to think, breathe, “woosah”, and love on you – at the least! When I get cranky, I know I need some quality time with myself or with my girls. I need a break. It happens! Same for you. Build-in that time to love on you. All these steps are leading to a more balanced you. Do it.

There are so many positives to self-care of “me” time. The best tips for single moms is to get rejuvenated, relaxed, and ready for life. You’re in a better mood, excited about life, and able to handle parenting better. “Me” time can be as simple as getting up early to read and pray. Getting up earlier or going to bed earlier has its benefits. If late is your m.o., stop it. Get rest and prepare the day before. It will make you so much better. Me time will give you the clarity to these steps into place that you need to run your home smoothly.

3. Assess Your Plan

Sometimes it gets good and you think “Oh, the kids have this routine down. Yaasss!” Then the crap hits the fan and your routine’s out of whack again. C’est la vie! It happens. So, know you will have to work your plan, and part of working it is reassessing it often. What is not working has to be remedied. Have a look at what we discussed in Step 1 and make changes according to your needs. You run your house. Run it so there are order and peace. Most importantly, so that you all are in order and have peace.

Reflection is a word we use a lot in my field of education. It is an amazing tool. Ever since I learned about it, I have found it to be powerful. It simply is the art of looking back over a thing and seeing the good in it, the not so good (if any), and what you can do better. Now, I don’t want you thinking harshly of yourself or your parenting, but I do want you to see what can be adjusted, how can you and I make better decisions next time? Assessing the plan you set up for you and your kids, helps you stay in balance as much as possible. Stuff is going to happen. Things are going to come up that are not on your list, but take heart, you got this! Tweak as needed and keep running your ship.

You may find that fixing lunches the night before saves 30 minutes in the morning and cuts down the tardiness you see. You may find picking out 5 days of outfits shaves off 20 minutes of kids running around looking for clean clothes. Whatever you need to assess, do it. If you don’t fix it, it lingers and then it compounds. Maybe assessing the situation means someone needs an earlier curfew. Do it! This is your house and run this with love and foresight.  Let’s face it, kids don’t care about what-ifs and the fact that you know better. They care about playing video games and talking to friends. However, you know better. Assess and correct. Not easy, but necessary.

4. Build Your Tribe

To really make it as single moms, we have to get people around us that care about us. You have got to let folks help you. I know as a young single mom, I was really over-protective of my babies. And, I was right to be that way; but I also had to allow people into my circle to help me raise my boys.

When I say tribe, I mean the folks that are there for you and you are there for them. You know each other, love each other, and support each other. I go into more detail about this in my new book, but I want you to know that you cannot parent alone even though you are a single mom. Get people around you to support you and your babies. In fact, your tribe is who you call when your babies are small and you need a sitter. If you don’t have anyone, it’s time to make new friends.

5. Learn to say No

This is one of my favorite tips for single moms. I’m telling you if you can get this one down, you will see more peace and more time in your schedule with this one alone. Why on Earth would I tell you to say no to anyone? Well, I see it every day and have experienced it for myself. Know what it is? It is when other people ask you to do something that will add stress to your life, more to your plate, and you have the inability to say no to them. It is also known as “people-pleasing”. Yep! I said it! Why else would you say yes to something that you know you can’t handle!!!? The desire to be liked, loved, accepted, cool, whatever. Hey! I’ve been there. Done more than my share of it and now I say know when I recognize it.

Doing things for people is not wrong. Helping people is good. I want you to do that. But, I want you to notice if you are doing for others what they will not and do not do for you. Are you the one certain people or family call on to do things and it is hard to tell them no. Do you agree to things when you know you are tired? Hmmm. You, my sister, are doing too much and need to say NO.

It may be harder to do this step more than any of the others but do it. Once you get your first Heck naw under your belt, you will feel better. You have to do this for you and your babies. Take stock of who is asking. If they can ask someone else, let them! Take stock of your feelings and why you are so quick to say yes. It takes time and discernment to figure out what to say yes and no, but it will get easier. You just need to start!

I know when I realized I was bending over for people who wouldn’t stand up for me, saying no became easy!

Well, what did you think of these 5 tips for single moms to help you get yourself in order and Rock the life you got? Take some time and post a comment. Would you add anything else? Let’s sound off!

Get ready to rock your week. Print the planner and take some moments today to get clear and organized. Make a plan to say NO to certain folks who are always asking you to do things. I know it ain’t easy sis…

Do It Anyway!

P.S. 

I’m starting a 10 Day FREE Email Course on “Finding Purpose and Owning Who You Are” IF you are interested sign up here!