Happy Sunday Rock Stars! I love Sundays! Don’t you? I mean we get to worship, relax,  and reset. An amazing day if you ask me. And, I also get to host #SingleMomSunday on Periscope (now, it’s #MomChat at 7 PM on Facebook)!  I hope to see you later. Today’s blog post comes from a girlfriend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous. If you’ve been dreaming of marrying and becoming a wife, then you must keep reading and pick some insights.

I KNOW! I was like “why, girl?” But, she told me her story, and now I am telling you. In my mind, this post is called “Letter from a sister who made it!” Lol! Listen, we all want good love and some even dreamed to be a wife. Not that “you get on my nerves, why you cold today, are you being faithful to me, let me worry about “is this the right relationship, messy” kind of love.” No! We want peace, understanding, friendship, and a “this is soooo good” kind of love. If I am correct and that is what you want, read on as my friend shares her plight to getting there. Chile, it was a plight!

The Beginning

Twenty years ago, I knew I loved my now husband the moment I met him. He was handsome, fine, funny, and brilliant. I was so giddy and couldn’t believe we were talking. We dated. It was wonderful. But, it was not to be. Life went on for us both. I had young children and was really wanting to be married and be a wife so, I married someone else. I know. Wrong move. That marriage ended, but I thought of my true love often especially once I was finally divorced. I didn’t reach out. Keep the twenty years in the back of your head. I focused on being the woman I knew I could be and I raised my babies alone.

Let Struggle

Thirteen years had passed since I last saw my love. My boys are older and I am long since divorced. We met each other again during a chance encounter in my hometown. I was so happy. But, this time it only lasted 4 months. 4 months! For four months we were inseparable and then it was over. He had to move for work. My kids were settled at school and finally had normalcy in their lives. So, we decided to part ways. He was still my dream love although he wasn’t perfect. He had his quirks, too. We all do.

You know other women saw that fineness as well. Um-hum. I suspected he was feeling himself, and so I decided to let it be. I did not pursue and I let him move without us dating long distance. Do you know how you sense some things but have no proof? I wanted him to get that out of his system. And although I never dreamed we would be together, somehow I knew he’d come back around.

Don’t get me wrong, my guy was good to me. We just didn’t make it and because he was moving. As a loving wife, I decided to let him live his life and see what was out there. I dated other people, but nothing seemed to work out. I was okay with that.

Some women would have lost all hope. I did move on with my life. And this is key to my single moms out there, move on. When people aren’t good to you, into you, or right for you, let them go. I spent my time enjoying my boys and watching them grow up and on into adulthood.

The Good Part

Fours years later, we connected AGAIN. We talked over the phone. We really got to know each other. You know I never stopped loving him. I always knew he was the one. We took the time to date long-distance this time around and get to know each other before we met up again. But, unlike the other times, we fell together and not apart this time.

My lovely husband to be said the most amazing words to me as we were long-distance dating. The stuff women dream of hearing. He said “I need you in my life. I want you to live near me and not with me”. Keep reading in case you wanted to hear other words. I was stronger in my faith by now and so was he. So, we decided no living together before marriage. Get this! He moved me to where he lived, got me my own apartment, and helped me find a job. Talk about a BOAZ! Yes, this time he was ready for a wife. I had been ready for 20 years. It was time he saw the gift I was. So, we honored our faith and dated while living apart. Then, a year later, we married.

Take note that I had grown, and he had grown. We were both ready for real love and marriage. That is the thing I want women to get from my story. DO NOT RUSH into anything. Take your time. Some of us, including me, want to marry so bad because society tells us it is right. And, I’m a Christian so I believe it is. But, do not get married just to be married. Marry because you want to serve him, you love and respect him and he wants to do the same for you.

I speak from experience that you will know the man for you especially after picking the wrong one. Trust yourself. If you have no peace about it, don’t do it.

I do believe that had I not married the previous guy, I would have been with my husband sooner. My advice is to listen to your heart and GOD. Love is beautiful when you marry the right person. It is hell if you are not. So, let me sum up my advice.

1. Be okay with making a mistake. You will live. 
2. Let go of the wrong one so you can be available for the right one
3. Take your singleness to enjoy yourself and your children
4. Trust your heart
5. Listen to God
6. Know what you want so when it comes, even if it doesn’t stay, you know it when you see it 🙂

My husband and I enjoy each other’s company. I love being his wife. I can’t imagine being married to someone and accepting that we have to argue and fight and call it love. I’m so glad our love came back around. Now, I spend my days appreciating my Boaz because it took me so long to finally be his wife. My encouragement to you is that your story may not have started or gone like mine, but you can have a real true love if you know it when you see it.

I lost some friends along the way who tried to tell me about the first guy I married, but I wanted to be married sooooo bad I couldn’t see it or hear them. Do not make being a wife your ultimate goal. It is not worth it. Instead, focus on you and your dreams. Enjoy your life and your children. Your king will come. Mine did.

XOXO,

One single mom to another

Well, was that good or what! I absolutely love their stories. I truly believe that we all could have been married, but we know what is right and what isn’t. The wedding is the beginning. Marry someone who you can love long past the big party. When you hear me talk about Boaz has come, trust me, he will be a good man I can live with afterward. Lol! Y’all know what I mean. So, single sisters get up and live, enjoy your life, and enjoy dem babies!

P.S.

I’m rooting for you. I know single parenting ain’t easy. I live it with you every day. But, we can make it better and set ourselves and our kiddos up for success. After all, that is why I write and design events to connect with you. If you’re in or around Dallas, get ready! Big announcement coming on Single Mom Sunday tonight at 7 pm. Woop Woop!

Now, Go Rock the life you got! and Do it Anyway!

Kaywanda Lamb is an author, speaker, and coach. Her mission is to inspire single mothers to look beyond their circumstances and to find the will to change their lives. She did and she works to teach women how to unleash their greatness. Her new book “Do It Anyway!” addresses relationships, healing, and parenting at the same time, crushing fear, how to find your purpose and more. Order your copy today!