I’ve written on absentee dads before, and I even encouraged dads to make it right. Check that out here. Today, I got an email from Emma Johnson of the wealthysinglemom.com and it struck a nerve. A BIG nerve. Listen, I know we single mommas aren’t out here dating dads who don’t see their kids!!!!?
Hear me out before you talk about him being the one and how you’re no longer alone. You, as a single mom, know firsthand what it feels like to parent alone, so why date a man who isn’t helping out with his OWN kids? Right? Now, I know some men keep that hidden ’til you’ve fallen for them and some blame the mom for keeping them from the kids. And let’s be clear, it is some trifling heifers that have babies just to catch a guy and then there are those who withhold visitation trying to keep a man. We are not talking about them. We are talking about the men who have given up and moved on and live as if they don’t have a whole entire family somewhere. This post is about why THEY should not get ANY play from you.
Why you shouldn’t date dads who don’t see their kids
I know that a bear, a lion, and ten cops wouldn’t keep me from seeing mine. So, why is it that the guy doesn’t fight harder? Easy. It’s easier not to. Pay a little money, i.e., child support (which child support isn’t a fraction of what we have to pay running a house alone) and they are free. You tell me where a child, grown–up, anybody can live for $300 per month. I’ll wait.
So, if he can’t take care of and see/be involved with his kids, he can’t see me or you! RIGHT? Giving these men an easy out by saying “I understand” and then he takes care of you and yours but not His that’s…. ridiculous! Don’t try to justify it. Just make him accountable if you know about the other family. Period.
5 Reasons he’s a coward if she isn’t being a B!
- He could request to see the child through the courts if she won’t let him.
- He can do more than pay child support. Oftentimes, we need more than that little bit.
- Kids need love, support, to know they matter. Boys need their dads and girls need their moms.
- It affects the child if the other parent isn’t there. Now, they have to deal with mommy and daddy issues because you were too busy living to love the ones who matter.
- What man lets a little friction stop him from being there?
My Hurt. My Truth.
I’m a little extra heated because I’ve seen this very absenteeism in my own life. My dad did the same. My kids’ dad- the same. They both didn’t take care of their kids but married other women with kids and took care of them. I put my kids’ dad in child support after two years of trying to work with him. He went on to skip paying for years then began to pay again (thank you federal government). But I have not ONE time kept him from seeing his kids. I never changed my number, always gave him updates, etc. He chose to not be a part of two beautiful boys’ lives. So, as women, that kind of man shouldn’t get a pass until he’s made amends in his kids lives.
Do you know what kids wonder when they see their dads do this? They wonder “why am I not good enough?”
The truth is the man who walked away isn’t good enough.
Emma’s take on why you shouldn’t date dads who don’t see their kids
I love reading Emma’s blog. One because I plan on being a wealthy single momma, two because she says things I wish I could but don’t say all the time so it wouldn’t be authentic, and three she just has some well-rounded points we moms need to hear. Like her post today which sent me on a tangent. It’s timely. It’s refreshing, and it’s needed.
What do you say? Let’s make a pact! No dating men who aren’t providers and real fathers! You can encourage him but you don’t have to knowingly be with a man just so you’re taken care of when he is avoiding a whole family he started. Let’s have a heart ladies. Kids need to eat and have both parents. Men need to provide.
