Today I write from experience. I know what it is to love hard and receive mediocrity in return. My past relationship had been disappointing, hurtful and the best wake up call EVER to find you’ve been fully living and loving someone who can’t (for whatever reason) do the same for you. Liberating is the way I sum up my last breakup.
Sings in my Aretha Franklin voice, “Freedom!” So much peace when I kicked him to the curb. But, oh honey there is no man-hating siren here. It’s all love. In fact, I desire a good love … just not at the expense of my peace and self-worth. How to know when it’s time to break up is today’s question. One I pray you to take seriously and ponder well before you make a decision. So, if you are unhappy in your relationship, read on for 5 ways to know if it’s time to break up.
See, in many ways, he was Prince Charming. But in others, he was the boyfriend from hell. No seriously… Hell! He was. And you say “How could you date someone like that?” Well, he wasn’t like that at first. He slowly showed me his narcissistic side as he tried to pit my boys against me (in subtle ways of course) and then to keep me from my friends and family (controlling).
Honey, to know me is to know a social butterfly and a very hard-headed, “knows what she wants” woman. So, his trying to control me wasn’t working for him, and I eventually came down from whatever cloud I was on to see that just because he was the best guy I’d dated so far (in the beginning), he wasn’t the best guy for me. Now, he got a few extra choice words when we broke up that I won’t include here. But, feel free to use your imagination.
The point? We all have been there – trusting, loving, being mistreated, undervalued, manipulated by some guy who is clueless about what real love is and the true prize he has. That’s okay. Break free and live on.
The Why
This is for the single moms that are dating and feel something isn’t quite right. I want you to know, you don’t EVER have to settle. EVER!
Love is a choice. It’s easier than this messy back and forth you’ve experienced. And one day, you’ll have it when you get courageous enough to love you first!
The Catalyst
As I sat listening to a girlfriend tell me about how she was still going to give her boyfriend (who 99.9% cheated on her) a chance, all my past faux pas popped in my head. And you know I had to tell you what I learned from my life and hers!
Now, you know how we apply the “but I wasn’t there and women lie rule” to give him a second chance? Well, she did all that. As I listened, this post wrote itself in my head. Oh, I can multitask honey.
I couldn’t wait to share why you, me, and she have to let men who would even put themselves in a situation to hurt us or give us doubt have to go!
So, are you unhappy in your relationship? Are you seeing things and still passing out get out of jail free cards? Here are 5 ways to know if it’s time to break up.
1. He refuses to grow up and be honest from the beginning.
How old are you? Too old to date a man who can’t make a decision, you got to double-check what he tells you, etc. Ask the right questions when dating so you’re not wasting your time on someone who can’t commit.
2. He acts like he’s single with and without you
Some folks are just charming and they’ll have you believing that girl is really his friend. But listen, Linda, you only want to be in relationships with people in a relationship with you. No extra people. No extra lies. So simple. If he is making you feel like a guest in his home and not like it’s yours too, Bye Felicia or Felix! You go out and he walks behind or in front of you. Ha! Chile, bye!
Who has time for stress? Not I. Say bye-bye to bad boys who want a relationship and then some. But they don’t want to BE in a relationship per se.
3. He makes promises but doesn’t keep them
Self-explanatory. Bye boo.
4. He cheats on you or he 99.9% might be cheating on you
I’ve been here. Had the report and still believed him. Listen, we all have a woman’s intuition. Use it. Yes, you should trust your man, but multiple women ain’t lying. If he gives you reason after reason to believe he’s playing the field, believe him. You know who made up the “benefit of the doubt?” A man.
Pay attention and you’ll learn all you need to know.
5. You all haven’t made a definite plan to marry
How long does it take to have this conversation? You should actually have it at the beginning of dating. I can’t put it all in this post, but if you have been dating three or more years waiting on a ring, I ask you why.
You are priceless, precious, amazing. Only a fool can’t see that. Stop giving people test drives while they decide to buy the car. There is no reason under the sun not to marry when you are both sure you’re the one. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Not a job, finances, credit, nothing.
You don’t have to beg but you do need to have a conversation. I want to know what man you have that isn’t ready to take you off the market. No ultimatums. Just chat with the love of your life so you both can have clarity. If he’s honorable and in it for the long haul, he’ll let you know.
He has to go if not. How much time do you have to give hanging on to a “not so great” relationship? This is not rhetorical. Ask yourself and then bet on you.
I want you to love you so much that you only let real love in. Not “part-time” love, “not but he’s fine though’ love, not “he plays the game” love, but REAL love. It’s coming!
Until then, breaking up is hard to do and only you know if you should or not. You know your heart, worth, dreams, desires. Let your kids see the strong woman who commands her worth. That’s my goal.
What did you think? Comment below and let me know! And share the love with a friend who could use it!
Blessings!
Hey mama! I have heard you loud and clear. You are ready to relax, meet new gal friends, dance, eat well, and be inspired. Yep! It’s brunch time! I’m known for throwing inspirational, fun-filled brunches for single moms, and honey you want to be here! Click here to reserve your ticket. It’s time to love on you and power up!
i loved this post thanks for sharing so true on everything you said, really amazing post
Thank you Kerona. I’m speaking from experience as well. We gotta know when to fold and only we know that.
These can be applied to both genders. The pain a good and real man feels when it’s the woman that betrays the relationship is just as disappointing and devastating. Only accept what you yourself give but be willing to give more at times. Just don’t be the only one.
You are right. Men hurt, too and should also exercise their right to be respected and loved. I wrote a post last year based on a conversation with a male friend. It was called “Dudes Hurt Too!” Very enlightening.