Single parenting is tough. Add in being a brand new single mom, and it gets downright interesting. I will admit this truth as I begin to list my 6 tips for you. I wish I knew to follow these tips when I became a brand new a single mom 14 years ago. Mama, this will be one of the most trying seasons of your life. And, it will also be one of the most beautiful. Read on my for 6 tips for the brand new single mom. I promise you’re going to make it!
Resolve that you are going to be okay
I write so much about single parenting and thriving as a single mom because I had to go through years of ups and downs to get to the place where I found my strength. When it finally happened, I didn’t know how, but I knew we would be okay. Now that I’m older, I can tell moms how to ensure you’re going to be okay. It all starts with your mindset and then your actions. We have to believe it and then do the things that cause us and our babies to have a good life however unplanned that may be. Read on.
So, wrap your mind around this thing, accept your part (or not) in it all, work on healing your heart, don’t focus on the negative, and say over and over what you desire for you and your babies. Focusing on this right now as opposed to later will bless you in so many ways. I do recall “faking it until I made it” all those years ago.
She was right. I did it so much, I began to believe it. Also, my boys didn’t need to see a woman falling apart because a man she trusted decided he didn’t want to be a dad. Listen, I could have dealt with us not being together (there wasn’t much of a relationship when I look back), but to have the gall to leave your babies and not know if they’re okay! Or care to come by and see them more than every few weeks which went to months which went to years? Oh, mama, you hold your head high and your parent on. You will be okay, but it is entirely up to you.
Think positive
When this happens to us, all our thoughts begin with I’ll never date again, no one will want a woman with kids, how are we going to make it on one income (Um, put him on child support, alimony, something), etc. But, you must think positive. It may take a while for you to get here but you must focus on you right now and that is you and your babies’ well being. What’s good in your life right now? Are you all safe, warm, have food, happy, are they thriving? Think positive! It’s going to get better!
Ask for help
I’m like Super Woman … until life whips my behind that is. I’m such a go-getter that I had to learn this the hard way. Don’t be me. Ask for help. Even as a new single mom, it does not make you weak, and it does not mean you can’t handle taking care of your kids. It simply means this is new. And when things are combined with the fact that more than likely, you didn’t expect it, you need HELP. So, ask or it. I promise if you’ll do this early on even if its pick the kids up, or give a listening ear, your friends and family will come to your rescue and help to lighten your load. So, get rid of the nerves and the cape and go for it already! Our friends love to support us. As you heal and branch out you’ll find you’ll make new friends who share your experience and they, too, will become a welcome blessing and wealth of knowledge.
Need help to sort it out and craft a plan? Work with me. Click here to see how.
Breathe aka Don’t let it stress you
I was torn up on the inside. It’s been a really long time, but I can still see me in shock and (pissed) that I was a single mom. I get it. Let it out. But when you’re done, breathe. So many women are single moms and you don’t even know it. Why? Because that isn’t all there is to us and we certainly can’t stop crushing our goals because some fool lost his mind and left his family. Can we? Nope! So, breathe. As you begin to remove the stressors in your life and process why that relationship ended (divorce, cheating, abandonment, death, etc) you’ll begin to see clearly how you and your babies will thrive. Do not let this make you think your life is over. As you can see, I refused to let a man walking away stop me from chasing my dreams AND raising my boys well. They have a full-time mom who enjoys them and her life. You’ll get there. First you have to breathe.
Get your plan together
The first response to finding out you’re a new single mom is to get angry, cry, lash out, wonder why, try to fix it, etc. I know. It’s natural. If that’s what you must do then do it. Lord knows, I did. But when I got clear. When I grew … I realized I needed a plan. No begging, pleading, crying would replace a plan. And so, I resolved that me and my beautiful little boys would always have what we needed, they would be safe and flourish, and I would go on to do ALL that I planned. Here I am today (I got some bumps and bruises) writing to you about not giving up, not letting go, and moving forward. Get your plan together. For help with creating a life plan, go here.
I made it, and you will, too!
Make sure the other parent is doing their part. If he/she wants to co-parent with you and they are a good parent, let them. I know when relationships dissolve, it hurts. But, you and them not working out should not affect them being able to be present in the children’s lives. Get your plan together on you moving forward.
Start out making time for you
This is the last thing we do, but the MOST important. Taking care of yourself as a brand new single mom and beyond is important. The truth is you have to make time for you daily. Someone is going to need you, something is going to be broken, something is going to feel like it should be first, but you’ve got to make time for you.
It took me years to realize that I was frustrated and exhausted because I didn’t make time to unwind and refuel. Don’t be like me. I was exhausted by day’s end and most days running on empty. Until I finally figured out that skipping over my needs did nothing for me and my boys. Build-in rest, fun, adult time, and whatever makes you happy. That alone will give you so much strength. So, start out making time for your needs even if it’s just a few minutes a day.
I hope you found these tips to be a blessing. For more tips and inspiration as a single mom, sign up below to get my weekly newsletter. And leave a comment. I want to hear from you.
